


Food Stories

by terma_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-01-01
Updated: 2002-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:07:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26536288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist
Summary: Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atTER/MAand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address onthe TER/MA collection profile.NC-17 because of the F word and some other things. This belongs to me! You can't prove anything!
Collections: TER/MA





	1. Spaghetti Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [TER/MA](https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the TER/MA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile).  
> NC-17 because of the F word and some other things. This belongs to me! You can't prove anything!

Go to notes and disclaimers 

  
**Spaghetti Dinner  
by Nicole S**

  
"You're not doing it right." 

"How do you know?" 

"You have to put some olive oil in the water so it doesn't stick together." 

"Since when are you the expert?" 

"It's going to be one big ball of pasta." 

"Would you like to take over?" 

"Gladly." 

"Fine, here you go. I'll stir the sauce." 

"Is it home made?" 

"Yes. I opened the jar. I emptied the jar into the pan, voila, home made." 

"You didn't chop the tomatoes yourself and let it simmer for a day?" 

"With my busy schedule who has the time?" 

"Busy schedule? All you did was fuck me all day!" 

"Same with you. I didn't see you up here cooking at the crack of dawn." 

"Do you at least have garlic bread?" 

"Of course. It's actually Foccacia." 

"Very nice." 

"It smelled terrific in the store." 

"You didn't make that either?" 

"I had a dick in my ass all day, how could I?" 

"There's no reason to be vulgar." 

"It wasn't vulgar half an hour ago when it was happening." 

"Get the colander, the spaghetti is ready." 

"It's in the sink." 

"I'll put the sauce and the bread on the table." 

"Watch out, here's the spaghetti." 

"You're dripping water everywhere." 

"Smells good." 

"It's going to taste even better." 

"No meatballs?" 

"No, no meatballs. Unless you can buy sauce with them already in there." 

"That's gross." 

"Mmmmm, this is good." 

"It's very nice." 

"Nice? It's delicious. Have some Foccacia." 

"Thanks. You're right, it's delicious." 

"I told you." 

"Wine?" 

"Please." 

"You got a little..." 

"What?" 

"Sauce on your chest." 

"Where?" 

"Right here." 

"I'm eating you know." 

"So. You probably let it drop there on purpose." 

"It was your idea to eat spaghetti naked." 

"Oops, more sauce on your chest. A little spaghetti too." 

"Hey, that's hot you know." 

"Let me take care of that for you." 

"That's very... mmmmmm... nice of you." 

"There's a few other things I have to take care of while I'm down here." 

"Yeah? Like what?" 

"Like this." 

"Hmmmm. That's... that's... oh fuck that's good." 

"I'm glad you like that. What about this?" 

"Ooooooh yeah baby that's nice. Hmmmm." 

"And this?" 

"Mercy. Please don't stop." 

"I don't intend to." 

"Oh god that's good. Yeah, that's really good. Oh yeah.That's... uh... I'm...I'm gonna... Oh god!" 

"Now I liked that part. What's the matter? You not hungry anymore?" 

"I, uh. I'm famished. You must be full." 

"Never." 

* * *

  


NC-17 because of the _F_ word and some other things.   
This belongs to me! You can't prove anything!   
[email removed]   
---


	2. Vanilla

  
**Vanilla  
by Nicole S**

  
"It's dripping." 

"I know." 

"Well, do something about it!" 

"Relax." 

"It's not _your_ floor it's dripping on." 

"If it will make you happy, I will clean your floor later." 

"I'm counting on it." 

"This is good but it's a little plain." 

"I like Vanilla." 

"Most people go for complicated flavors like Rocky Road, Maple Walnut Ripple... something with alot of... stuff in it. 

"Well, I'm a simple guy." 

"Bullshit." 

"It's dripping again. Here. Take this." 

"Why don't you do it?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"You're so worried about a few drips on the floor—you do something aboutit." 

" _You're_ the one who's dripping everywhere!" 

"I'm quite content, I don't mind." 

"You are very stubborn." 

"And you're not?" 

"I know I'm going to regret this. Come here." 

"See that wasn't so hard, was it?" 

"Oops, oh shit, look what I did." 

"That was on purpose." 

"An accident, I swear." 

"Are you going to clean it up?" 

"Why should I? You don't give a shit about my floor." 

"It's not the same thing." 

"You dripped enough on yourself and seemed to enjoy it. I think I'll justleave it right there." 

"But I'm all sticky." 

"So." 

"Come on... I'm going to stick to the couch." 

"Would that necessarily be a bad thing?" 

"Please clean me up." 

"Okay... there." 

"That's it?" 

"Fine... how's that?" 

"Better." 

"And this?" 

"Better...that's even better... oh that's _so_ much better." 

"Better or the same?" 

"What are you an Optometrist?" 

"Nope." 

"That's... mmmmmmmm... oh nice, nice, nice... hmmmmm." 

"You're still dripping." 

"Take care of that will you? And while you're down there will you... aaaahhhh." 

"I think this part is really sticky. I'm just going to make sure it's all clean for you." 

"Thank y... y... you... fuck... that's very kind... of... y... y... you... ohmygod... that's... that's... uuuhhhhhh... oh yeah that's great." 

"Okay, you're clean. Now finish your ice cream." 

THE END. 

* * *

  


Rated R - Some swearing, implications of... whatever.   
This belongs to me! You can't prove anything!   
No beta—all mistakes are my own.   
[email removed]   
---


	3. Turkey Dinner

Go to notes and disclaimers 

  
**Turkey Dinner  
by Nicole S**

  
"Wow!" 

"Impressive, huh?" 

"Candles, tablecloth, napkins!" 

"Your chair Monsieur." 

"Why, thank you, Sir." 

"Wine?" 

"Please." 

"Dig in." 

"Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, carrots, peas, that orange mashed up stuff. This is incredible." 

"Don't forget the gravy." 

"Oh, you can't forget the gravy!" 

"Cheers." 

"Cheers." 

"Mmmmm, delicious." 

"So, tell me. Who came over and cooked all this food?" 

"No one came over, I ordered it." 

"You ordered it?" 

"Yeah, you won't believe where from?" 

"Where?" 

"1-800-TURKEY1." 

"You're lying!" 

"I would not lie about something like that. You call them up and they come to your house, everything cooked and ready to go. You just have to put it in the oven to keep it warm." 

"That is too strange." 

"But it tastes awesome." 

"I'll give it that much." 

"You got... boy, you're a sloppy eater. You have got cranberry sauce on yourself. Not only that, but one of them rolled down, leaving a trail of red down your chest." 

"I'm surprised I didn't feel that. It stopped in the napkin in my lap." 

"Hmmm. Remind me never to take you to a fancy restaurant." 

"I only drop things on me when I eat naked for some reason." 

"You do that on purpose." 

"No I don't. I wouldn't do it if you didn't _make_ me eat naked!" 

"No, no, no, no. You make _me_ eat naked!" 

"No, it's the other way around. You do it on purpose so I will do this to you." 

"Hmmmm. I didn't do _that_ particular thing on purpose, but this is." 

"You nearly got those mashed potatoes in my eye!" 

"Poor baby, let me make it all better." 

"Um... okay, uh... yeah." 

"You like that?" 

"Very much." 

"What about if I put some stuffing... here." 

"It's a little warm and feels kind of funny... oh, I see. Hmmm. Mmmmm. Yeah,that's great. Don't... no, not gravy!" 

"Oh we _must_ have gravy!" 

"But it's hot and... squishy." 

"It's not _that_ hot. Warm, at most." 

"Oh but it's still squishy. It's a good kind of squishy, though." 

"Hmmmm." 

"Oh my god. No, not at the... mmmmm... table. Oh my god, that is so good. Do that thing with your... no, the other... yeah... oh baby, yeah... hmmmm... no, don't stop that, do them both... aaaaah, yeah that's it, that's it... um, I'm... uh, god,I'm... aaaaaah." 

"You like that? Because I noticed the pumpkin pie with real whipped cream in your kitchen." 

"Hmmmmm. 1-800-TURKEY1 never felt so good."   


Rated R   
This belongs to me! You can't prove anything!   
No beta—all mistakes are my own.   
Canadian Thanksgiving was last month—that's how behind I am!   
[email removed]   
---


End file.
